he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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