I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
