The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
