I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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