what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
