Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
