she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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