Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
