I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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