I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
