I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
