just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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