i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
