I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
