And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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