She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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