I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of course I have a pirate flag
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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