I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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