I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
