Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
