I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
