Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize