they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize