I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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