I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
