omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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