well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
