My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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