Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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