eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
