My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
