The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
