I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
