I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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