Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
