Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
