I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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