hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
