just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
