this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
