I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
