Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
