Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize