I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
