So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
