Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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