But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
