Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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