The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
