Your mouth is God's brothel.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
