I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
