Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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