I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
