Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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