Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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