Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
