I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize