in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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