i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
