we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
