I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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