i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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