I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
