I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
