I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
