Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
