No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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