I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
