he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
