apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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