dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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