god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
