she was so not down for the gang bang
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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